Speed Dating

[transversecity.livejournal.com]

So I was the fellow who ran Fandom Speed Dating - with a good deal of help from rouji and some kind souls who leapt up to help.

It's clear that this was a terribly popular idea, and I'm certainly going to do it again!

But there were a great deal of things which could have been done better or differently. (More time, for example; and while my "quick fix" for same-gender attraction wasn't entirely unserious, it wasn't absolutely optimal, either.)

I was doing some research and came across this article. I found it interesting to note how some of it seems to me to be very pertinent--and some of it's just plain wrong. (I'd say, for example, that the "axe murderer" comment, would work pretty well, if used properly, with a lot of people.)

I'd love to have some thoughts, ideas, follow-ups, and the like. Criticism of the panel and/or how I ran it is certainly absolutely fine by me, of course; but bear in mind that I will probably respond to most things with, "Yes, if only I'd had the time/resources/ability to sign people up in advance/etc."

If you want to talk about it, I'm a-listenin'!

Comments

[winters-chill.livejournal.com]

You'll have to excuse me as I've never really participated in an Arisia before. Sure I've purchased a day pass here and there mostly to go shopping for corsets. I've joined the community hoping to learn more about Arisia in general, and I have a question for you...

Do you host this "speed dating" event as a charity fundraiser for a favorite charity or two, or so people can meet other people quickly? You know sort of like the whole bid on a date with said person up for action and the two of you can go to dinner and a movie and the money goes to a charity? Just curious. Thanks!

speed dating vs. dating auction

[datascavenger.livejournal.com]

I think that you're thinking of a "bachelor auction." Speed dating is (in its simplest form) a ring of women and a ring of men. Everyone is lined up with one other person and talks to them for 5 minutes. After that time, all the men move one seat to the left. There are of course variations, e.g. move one seat to the right or the women move or its a zig-zag and not a circle. But the basic idea is there.

Re: speed dating vs. dating auction

[transversecity.livejournal.com]

Yes!

Quite so!

..but that doesn't mean that a "bachelor auction" is at all a bad idea...

Re: speed dating vs. dating auction

[winters-chill.livejournal.com]

Is a bachelor auction something you think you'll do next year? If it is something that you do, please keep me in mind when it comes to signing people up to be auctioned off. I'm local in Cambridge/Somerville so taking part in one event during the conference wouldn't be an issue for me. Thank you!

Re: speed dating vs. dating auction

[transversecity.livejournal.com]

Ah, cool! -I'd- be interested. 'tis up to Programming, though. :)

Re: speed dating vs. dating auction

[winters-chill.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[thevirtualjim.livejournal.com]

Can it can happen in a bigger room next time? I wanted to go, but when I looked in it seemed to be over-crowded so I skipped it.

[transversecity.livejournal.com]

A good idea, I would say!

[ktpinto.livejournal.com]

Curses! Your stalking plans were foiled again!!! ;>

[thevirtualjim.livejournal.com]

I am bad at being celery...

[ktpinto.livejournal.com]

*groan*

OK, you are not allowed to use that joke ever again... :P

[jiapa.livejournal.com]

I was the bossy woman who pushed you to get started.

It was fun, but it seemed a bit, um, unplanned, in places. To get a whole bunch of people speed-dating in a hurry requires a fair bit of pre-planning.

For next year, perhaps rating sheets at the door, and start instructing people to turn chairs as soon as they walk in.

Also, to ask about the women seeking women and men seeking men, but then to not do anything about it was cruel. It wouldn't have been that hard to set up a few chair pairs in the corner and let the women seeking women rotate among themselves. Granted, there were only two men seeking men, but they could have been given a chair pair in another corner and told to chat too.

It was a good idea, overall, and rather fun. If you want help from me in running it next year, let me know.

[transversecity.livejournal.com]

I think we'll have a lot more preplanning for next time, and a lot more time. And definitely something to do with gender differences.

I will very much keep your kind assistance in mind!!

[catskillz.livejournal.com]

Definitely a larger room - a friend and I didn't attend because when we arrived, the room was packed and kind of overheated and swampy!

Also, could you put something about the format in the program? When we arrived, everyone was sitting in the normal panel-style chairs all facing the room. We had no idea how it was all going to proceed and weren't sure if it was worth risking overheating in the crowded room.

[transversecity.livejournal.com]

(a) Agreed!

(b) Yes! In fact, next time, I think we'll make some large format changes.

[pisicutsa.livejournal.com]

Heya, I was the naughty nurse who helped boss people around to swap the seats facing each other. I have ideas on how to make it work better next yeas so maybe I'll bore you with them at Wicked Faire. ;)

[cos]

Whoah, I don't think I realized you were there. Weird. Though of course for most of it I was specifically trying to avoid gravitating towards familiar people, so I could meet new people.

[pisicutsa.livejournal.com]

When you came in you kneeled on the floor right next to me and I said "Hi Cos!" and you smiled. Clearly you bed too many nurses to notice one more... ;)

[cos]

Hah! I must have that memory filed in a different place than the rest of that panel, because I remember that happening but don't remember it happening then/there.

[transversecity.livejournal.com]

-sweet-.

[cos]

Gender imbalance meant:
- Men had to sit out some rounds, women got a new person each round
- Women couldn't choose who to meet, men could choose who to try for after a sitting-out round

Not sure what you should do about that, just pointing it out.

[transversecity.livejournal.com]

Definitely things for me to ponder much...

[ktpinto.livejournal.com]

- Men had to sit out some rounds

That's because we were worth waiting for... ;>

[ktpinto.livejournal.com]

Hey Jeff!

Two suggestions:

1) You may want to have people sign up beforehand, and put a cap on it, because I think there's always going to be more men than women at a convention.

2) It seemed like the most awkward thing at this event was at the end of the five minutes when the guy had to ask for contact information. It didn't happen to me, but what if the woman wasn't interested in the guy in any way? Kinda puts her on the spot.

I'm not sure how speed dating actually works, but someone mentioned a list where you check off who you think is interesting. I suggest that people give contact information when they sign up so, if his check and her check matches, then contact information is exchanged.

[brass-rat.livejournal.com]

I've run a singles mixer event for my temple. We decided to take a slightly different approach than speed dating. Everyone gets assigned a number upon entering the room (actually, we have on-line pre-registration to speed things up now), a name tag with their first name and assigned number, and a "request card". People chat in something resembling a coctail hour. People use their request card to indicate the first name and number of the people they find interesting (both are needed, since people seem unable to write clearly even when it is in their best interest to do so). At the end of the night the organizers collect the request cards and looks for any two people who have both indicated teh other as interesting. They then send out the contact info the matches as appropriate. We do find that having an ice breaker activity can help, and like the "scavenger hunt" (eg., find someone who is from your home state, etc)

This has several advantages: It avoids the awkwardness of having to ask for contact info, or decline someone who does. It's also gender/preference neutral (and we have had same-sex matches).

It's main disadvantage is that it takes a lot more organizer time to process all of the data and send out the matches. We've mitigated this by developing some scripts that do a lot of the work, but doing the data entry on the request cards still takes some time.

Feel free to get me an email address if you want to talk more outside of LJ.

[transversecity.livejournal.com]

jeffmach[at] runningwatermusic.com, though the best time to reach me is after Wicked Faire (http://www.wickedfaire.com). : )

[hfcougar.livejournal.com]

I loved this panel. I had only a vague idea of how speed dating worked before attending, but enough of an idea that aside from the room constraints and gender balance, it was just about exactly what I was expecting.

My suggestions are about the same as anyone else's - larger room, different layout, larger time block. Perhaps having it on Friday night would be a good pre-party outing, and give everyone who hit it off all weekend long to seek each other out. Food would be a great addition to that mix.

As a woman, I sort of liked the ego trip of waiting for men to come to me, and knowing I would be picked every round one way or another, but it was a little unfair that women didn't get to do any choosing of who they might like to meet (though this is balanced, perhaps, by not having to sit out at all).

I actually liked the random picking element a lot instead of the "everyone sit in a line and move down one chair" method. Perhaps it is because I enjoy randomness and chaos, but I liked meeting completely random men instead of having my fate decided by the first round of sit-downs. I would only want to see "go down the line" instead of random choosing if there were both an even gender balance, and if there were enough time that everyone in the room were going to meet everyone in the room anyway (so that it didn't matter what order you met them in because it was the same people). Also, because of random sorting, it ensured that the people in the room I already knew well and/or see on a regular basis didn't get matched up with me.

Next year I will also have to prepare better. With the large gender imbalance in the room, every guy who sat across from me pretended to be interested in the SCA. A huge recruitment opportunity, lost! ;)

More ideas (edited to add these)...

I agree that the men seeking men and women seeking women aspects weren't handled great, but I don't have any concrete suggestions for making it better. I think had there been less of a time crunch, it would have been easier to work something out for that.

However, it occurred to me that it might be handy to have a stack of stickers for people to put on, literally labeling themselves: Bi, Straight, Gay, Poly, etc. That would make it easier to spot a like-minded person from across the room. I know as a poly person, I didn't want to disappoint any mono guys who might pick me unknowingly.